Tension Toolbox

I meant to post yesterday, Friday, but the day got away from me. Sorry, team.

This is our final post on tension for now. No promises about the future.

What mechanical ways can we show tension in our writing? Word choice. Short sentences. Entering the scene late, exiting early.

Let's try a scene:

The wind blowing over the prairie was hot and dry as Mikaila urge her horse forward, scraping her fingers through her long blonde hair. Her cornflower blue eyes caught sight of a billowing cloud of dust rising from the horizon line, a mushroom from the earth, she thought.

Wonder who it might be? She let her mind drift toward Cole who waited for her back at the ranch. They'd fought, about nothing. But she speed away on Old Horse before refusing to listening to his apology. Don't tell her the woman flirting with him on the veranda was just a young foolish girl.

Did he think her a fool? Suddenly, images appeared from the mushroom cloud. From the way they road, the glint of the sun off of their sweat soak skin, Mikaila knew. Indians were riding her way.

Okay, I tried to write a flowery scene, but I'm not too good at flowery. But we see this is a long scene hinting at tension. How can we pump it up?

Here's a try:

The cabin door slammed as Mikaila stormed out. Cole, the fool.
"Mikaila, don't be a child. Come back here." Cole's foot falls thudded against the dry dirt.
She whirled around. "Me? Child? No, she's the child, flirting with you shamelessly while your fiance looks on. And you, not doing a thing?"
'What do you want me to do? I'm being polite. She's a guest."
Enough. Mikaila hit the barn, hoping on Old Horse, tuning out Cole's pleading, and riding into the heat waves.
A mile out, she saw it. A dust cloud along the horizon line, a troop of glistening bare backs ridging toward her.
Indians.

***
Above, I tried to enter the scene late (mid fight) and exit early (Indians.)

The reader, in theory, wants to know what's going on. They'll keep reading. I used shorter sentences, less personal description. This is not the time to tell the reader hair and eye color.

I added dialog to let us know about the flirty guest and used action tags (Cole's foot falls thudded against the dry dirt) to give a sense of place as well as moving giving a sense of Cole's frustration.

I don't give Mikaila time to wonder, "who is this riding out of the dust cloud."

For good tension, move the story forward without letting the protagonist ponder too long. Use phrases like "stormed out" or "hit the barn."

You get the idea, right? Even if you're writing romance, you need to think about cutting description and adding tension.

Have fun!